So here it is 2010. So much has happened since the last time I actually blogged. And don’t worry, I would like to get back into the habit of posting much more than I used to. I will forewarn you that this post is long, so before you start to read, understand that it is going to be a lengthy one.
In July I moved back to the beautiful state of Colorado, away from the depressing gray skies of Chicago. Since then I have decided to go back to school full time. When I was 17, I attended college for about a semester and then never returned. Now 10 years later I am attending college as a 27 year old freshman.
While going to school doesn’t seem like an amazing feat for anyone, it is a giant step that I never thought I would be able to take. I spent too much time fearing school due to lack of money or social anxiety but now with a new found sense of self, I am able to start the long process of actually getting a degree in something that I want to do. I started in the field of psychology due to my natural ability to “life coach” and since then I have embarked on a new adventure within school. While I don’t know what I will end up doing in the end, as long as it has something to do with helping people and using my natural ability to solve people’s problems, I think I will enjoy myself.
My most recent struggle within myself is since I am going back to school, I have traded in my salaried job for a bartender position at a local pub in downtown Denver and now feel as though I am now living out my 19 year old life as a 27 year old.
I have to admit that it has been hard to let my ego go. I have been a salaried employee and usually a member of management since I can remember and now that I am working for tips and praying that you make enough money that night in order to pay the bills it is a totally different experience.
I remember a similar time, before I found a job in Illinois, were I was wondering where and if I could afford my next meal. At that time I had completely maxed out my credit cards and any money that I had in savings was going toward bills. It is kind of like that now, except that I bring in some money to pay the bills but never enough to get over the hump of actually being able to pay off the debt that I have accrued.
Which brings me to another dilemma; I am now living with my parents. If you remember, I moved in with my parents back in 2007 when I was originally supposed to get married. When I didn’t follow through with that, I moved into my cousin’s house in between the cornfields of Illinois. I have now been constantly living with someone for almost 3 years. While I am truly thankful I am also very sad that I haven’t had my own place to live for so many years. I originally intended to purchase a condo when I moved back to Denver, however my guaranteed source of income fell through. Now I have pigeon holed myself into living with my parents until I can find a balance of school and work. While I would love to find an administrative job somewhere I know that my brain would not be able to handle the stress of a computer job along with having to type multiple page papers for school.
I enjoy having a “peon” job, one where I am told what to do and never have a conflict arise or a problem to solve. I miss the mind stimulation part of having a more complicated job but I know that it is best for me right now.
I struggle with keeping the goal in mind. That even though I am not bringing in a ton of money, that I am surviving and when it comes down to it, it is all that matters. While I may not seem like an individual that has accomplished a lot, I know that the end result is going to be worth it. I am lucky to have friends and family in my life to keep me going. They continue to boast about how proud of me they are and remind me of the future.
I am sure that it will pass by quickly, but starting off as a freshman makes me feel like was late for the race and found the starting line about 8 years too late. While I will continue to find my way along the path the time will accumulate and at some point I will see the finish line in the distance.
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Wheeww… that’s a lot to get through! Since this is such a big one, I decided to break up my other “bringing you up to date” posts into smaller ones to save you some time. Those will be hitting the internet with in the next week so stay tuned!
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