It has been a few months since I have posted. And it is not that I haven’t wanted to, life has just been… busy…
I have wanted to share boast about the latest events in my life, like pulling an impromptu trigger and quitting my job in order to replace it with a new and better job; finally found a place that I feel appreciated in addition to facing new challenges that I am able to overcome and continue to welcome every day.
Eric and I continue to blossom and thrive in our relationship. Talking of the future and gathering ideas (and dreams) for a bigger house, for us and room for his children to visit/stay. I have found joy watching him and his company grow as he gets closer to actually producing his product. While that brings him happiness as well, he has also found a new barn for Monty that he feels that his horse is in good hands when he is out of town. From big nights out to lazy days in on the couch binge watching TV, we savor our time together and feel lucky that we have found each other [insert warm fuzzies here].
I am currently sitting in the waiting room of Rose Surgical Center trying to pass time as Eric is in the operating room. We have been here for 4 hours already and probably have one more to go… continuing to stand by. This brings back memories of my own surgeries. I have nine under my belt but only one that I don’t remember due to being a toddler. Before each and every procedure, my mother was there. As I got older, I would try to persuade her to leave, telling her that she didn’t need to stay and could just come back to pick me up. Now I get it. Now I understand the compulsion to sit and wait; be in the same place as your loved one. I am her baby girl and from the first surgery to the next upcoming one, there will always be fear that something could go wrong, and if it does, she wants to be there.
Three years ago, about this same time of year, my mother had surgery on her spine. It was my turn to sit in the waiting room. I didn’t want to leave her, but due to my father’s stress and anxiety levels, I needed to act as more of a distraction for him than support for her. We left the building for lunch and a drink (or two…maybe three) but I was still had one hand on my phone, chomping at the bit for the surgeon to call. And once he did, it was a big sigh of relief hearing that the procedure went as planned, she was in recovery and we could come pick her up.
If I was working for my old employer, I would be worn out beyond belief; thinking about Eric in addition to being concerned about missing work and wondering what I would come back to at the office. Heck, even making an appointment for myself would have caused a backlash of guilt. Today – I grateful that I can respond to a few work emails (mainly because I was bored) and then concentrate on Eric. It is a blessing to be able to actually spend time with my love and know that one day out of the office won’t break the bank. All the work will still be there when I get back tomorrow. I am thankful to work for a company that gets it… a boss that understands… and team members that are there to help out when you need it.
So here I sit… waiting… that is the worst part. Waiting to be called into the room. Waiting for them to take you (or him in this case) to the operating room. Waiting for the surgeon to come out and tell me how things went. And the longest wait of them all… waiting to see my love and take him home.
I have been in this big room by myself for the past hour. All the others have come and gone, so I sit alone trying to not let my mind wander and fill with the “what ifs”. His rehabilitation will take time – anywhere from two to three months but it will be worth it. I don’t mind taking care of him, doting on him to make sure he is comfortable while the nerve block and anesthesia ware off. I love him and wouldn’t think twice to drop everything to help him. Especially knowing that he will be there for me when the time comes. Whether it is a surgery (I am due for two that I have been procrastinating on) or when we are ready to try to for children. He has been my rock as I changed medications (another new thing that happened) and has managed to survive my mental and emotional, ups and downs.
My mind can finally be at peace – I just finished talking with the surgeon – almost 3 hours later. He made it out OK. There were some issues getting the old hardware out, including a stubborn screw, but he is officially free of the faulty part that caused him to have the second surgery. In case you are wondering, he had FPL (flexor pollicis longus) tendon reconstruction with allograft (aka a cadaver tendon) and removal of hardware.
Now it is time for the best part – the guaranteed ‘Price is Right’ feeling; “Kristen, come on dowwwnnnn!” ok, more like, “Kristen? For Eric? You can come back now” but still the same effect of happiness in my heart. Now off to the road of recovery!