Do you remember Julia Roberts character in Runaway Bride and how she didn’t even know how she took her eggs because she always “liked” the same style of eggs as her mate?  Why is it that many women go through a relationship trying to be the perfect girlfriend instead of just being themselves? We are constantly reading articles on what a man wants, what he think looks hot, and what these 100 men think of… Why? Why must we try to wrap out brains around what a man wants, why can’t we, geez I don’t know, ASK HIM?!!! Ugh! Instead, some of us walk around, gradually altering ourselves to becoming the person we think they want us to be so as not to be rejected.  These changes can be something small like participating in an activity you hate doing or something extreme like agreeing with him about not wanting kids thinking you can change him later. I am sure that we have all fallen into this bad habit at some point but to what degree? I can’t deny that I was never this girl, slowly losing myself when transitioning from a “me” to a “we”. It can happen very slowly and easily and before you even know it, you have no idea who you are and what you really want.

I have been better over the last 4 years, defining myself as an individual in the relationship. Knowing full well that you have to hold onto who you are and what you believe in. If you start to conform to what you believe is what the partner wants, you will end up losing your partner.  They liked you for who you are and if you lose that, what makes them want to stay with you?

The reason I bring up this up is I found myself doing that again with The Man.  The Man and I have been hanging out almost every weekend since our breakup. Usually involving an event, whether a sporting event or a festival, then followed by food, drinks and tons of talking. It wasn’t until we got to talking about our relationship as friends that we realized both of our faults and the mistakes that we had made while together. I had discovered that I was trying to conform to what I thought he wanted. I remember the feeling of walking on eggshells at times, but couldn’t think of the reason why, until now; that I was never really being my honest true self.

The past month of being just friends was fantastic and I really enjoyed our time together! The main reason being so clear now; I could finally be myself. For the first time I could feel comfortable in my own skin because I figured that if he didn’t like me for who I really was, then he wouldn’t want to hang with me.  (Authors note: I want to make it clear that this was a pressure that I put upon myself, not him telling me to act a certain way.)

Welcome to my newest story that started two weeks ago… Throughout the past month while we were friends, I think we were able to feel more comfortable with each other when there was no expectation or pressure to be something other than who we really are. We were just ourselves enjoying each others company being completely honest with one another. Throwing all the cards onto the table, sorting through them only to realize that despite the hand we were dealt, you still get the entire deck in the end.

I have never been one to go back to a relationship.  I was a firm believer in when you break up with a person you don’t go back. You broke up with them for a reason otherwise you can find yourself in a horrible dependent relationship, breaking up and getting back together multiple times. But it took some kind words from friends for me to realize that it doesn’t always have to be that way. That sometimes adults make mistakes, that there is no mold that all relationships must fit into and that in the end, all that matters is that the two in the relationship are happy.

So yes, the Man and I are giving it another go but I am hesitant to say that we are “back” together. The word back implies that you are returning to the same place you left off.  It is different this time, almost like a completely different relationship plus, you take into effect that we never really had a “break”, so I think the best way to describe it would be our relationship has taken a change in a better direction. Who knows what may happen or what will develop but I can make these promises to myself. I will make sure to watch and be aware of flags, whether they pop up as red, yellow or green. To always be honest, with him and myself, to make sure the lines of communication are open and flowing between us. Keep myself grounded enough to remember that I am not the only one in this relationship, that it will take two of us to make this work and if in the end, we both tried our hardest, than that is all that matters. I am ready to jump in and swim with my new clearer swim goggles, knowing that I cannot predict where point B ends but maybe it’s the journey of getting there, at a nice healthy pace, that counts.