men | KK Lange - My Life In Between

One step forward and two steps back

February 3, 2014 By KK Leave a Comment

Dating. Ugh, dating. Well… I’m still learning. I struggle between my heart and my heart, but I forgot what is in the middle – my gut. It was screaming and I chose to ignore it. But the positive thing is I am learning from my mistake.

This weekend I went on a date that I should have stopped it before it even started. Instead of recapping every bad moment and spilling the whole story, I thought I would just pinpoint red flags that both women and men should watch for.

Red flag #1
If your date asks you out, they should have a plan. They don’t always have to have a specific one just in case they wanted your input, but at least a general idea.

Red flag #2
If you prearranged a specific time to meet, your date should arrive to pick you up or meet you at that time. Only exception is if they communicate that they are running late. It is rude and disrespectful not to.

Red flag #3
If your date knows you have pets and they criticize pet owners and how annoying it is that pets tie you down, it probably means they don’t want children either, despite what their online profile said.

****On a side note – to future daters, don’t you ever, I mean EVER, make nasty comments about my dog. My dog was here before you, and will be long after. There is a reason why they call them a “(wo)mans best friend”.

Red flag #4
If your date starts around the standard diner time (6:30-8:30), diner should be part of the date unless otherwise stated before hand. If your date says they already ate when they arrive – they care about one thing. Themselves.

Red flag #5
If your date decides to takes you to diner and you end up sitting at the bar, if they spend their time talking to someone else, run. Literally, run. They are a person who is “always looking for someone better”. Even if they say they are trying to set this person up with a friend. It is not OK to let your date sit alone while giving your attention to a stranger. Same goes for being on their cell phone all night. Again – signs of selfishness and lack of respect for you.

Red flag #6
Don’t allow your date to chastise you on your outfit, especially if you asked what you should wear (due to not knowing your plans). They should compliment you (again, men and women alike) and think you are attractive no matter what you are wearing, despite it not being a “Friday night outfit”. You are yourself and shouldn’t be anything but that. Be you!

Red flag #(oh who effing cares at this point)

As you can tell, I spent the evening with a person that I shouldn’t have wasted my time with (and there are things I didn’t mention). Not that I am better than him – just that we didn’t mesh well together.

I need a man that is a gentleman. Who treats me with respect, enjoys my company, thinks that I am beautiful despite what I am wearing (as it is based on my inside, not the outside) because I don’t need to impress anyone. I am who I am. I want a man that takes the lead – they don’t have to dominate and demand. I am a individual, independent and not a push over. Because when it comes down to it – if you find yourself in a relationship – we have to remember why we fell for for each other in the first place. Before becoming a “we” and an “us”, it is because of who we were in at the beginning. Stay true to yourself whether it is trusting your gut, analyzing in your head, or let your heart be your guide.

In case you wanted less biased red flags – feel free to check out these articles below.

For men

For women

A Real Man …

July 6, 2010 By KK Leave a Comment

This was sent to me in an email and has been passed around the internet but I got such a giggle from it, I wanted to share.

A real man is a woman’s best friend.
He will never stand her up and never let her down.
He will reassure her when she feels insecure and comfort her after a bad day.
He will inspire her to do things she never thought she could do; to live without fear and forget regret.
He will enable her to express her deepest emotions and give in to her most intimate desires.
He will make sure she always feels as though she’s the most beautiful woman in the room and will enable her to be the most confident, sexy, seductive, and invincible.

No wait… sorry… I’m thinking of wine.
Never mind.

Do you even know how you like your eggs?

June 15, 2010 By KK 2 Comments

Do you remember Julia Roberts character in Runaway Bride and how she didn’t even know how she took her eggs because she always “liked” the same style of eggs as her mate? Why is it that many women go through a relationship trying to be the perfect girlfriend instead of just being themselves? We are constantly reading articles on what a man wants, what he think looks hot, and what these 100 men think of… Why? Why must we try to wrap out brains around what a man wants, why can’t we, geez I don’t know, ASK HIM?!!! Ugh! Instead, some of us walk around, gradually altering ourselves to becoming the person we think they want us to be so as not to be rejected. These changes can be something small like participating in an activity you hate doing or something extreme like agreeing with him about not wanting kids thinking you can change him later. I am sure that we have all fallen into this bad habit at some point but to what degree? I can’t deny that I was never this girl, slowly losing myself when transitioning from a “me” to a “we”. It can happen very slowly and easily and before you even know it, you have no idea who you are and what you really want.

I have been better over the last 4 years, defining myself as an individual in the relationship. Knowing full well that you have to hold onto who you are and what you believe in. If you start to conform to what you believe is what the partner wants, you will end up losing your partner. They liked you for who you are and if you lose that, what makes them want to stay with you?

The reason I bring up this up is I found myself doing that again with The Man. The Man and I have been hanging out almost every weekend since our breakup. Usually involving an event, whether a sporting event or a festival, then followed by food, drinks and tons of talking. It wasn’t until we got to talking about our relationship as friends that we realized both of our faults and the mistakes that we had made while together. I had discovered that I was trying to conform to what I thought he wanted. I remember the feeling of walking on eggshells at times, but couldn’t think of the reason why, until now; that I was never really being my honest true self.

The past month of being just friends was fantastic and I really enjoyed our time together! The main reason being so clear now; I could finally be myself. For the first time I could feel comfortable in my own skin because I figured that if he didn’t like me for who I really was, then he wouldn’t want to hang with me. (Authors note: I want to make it clear that this was a pressure that I put upon myself, not him telling me to act a certain way.)

Welcome to my newest story that started two weeks ago… Throughout the past month while we were friends, I think we were able to feel more comfortable with each other when there was no expectation or pressure to be something other than who we really are. We were just ourselves enjoying each others company being completely honest with one another. Throwing all the cards onto the table, sorting through them only to realize that despite the hand we were dealt, you still get the entire deck in the end.

I have never been one to go back to a relationship. I was a firm believer in when you break up with a person you don’t go back. You broke up with them for a reason otherwise you can find yourself in a horrible dependent relationship, breaking up and getting back together multiple times. But it took some kind words from friends for me to realize that it doesn’t always have to be that way. That sometimes adults make mistakes, that there is no mold that all relationships must fit into and that in the end, all that matters is that the two in the relationship are happy.

So yes, the Man and I are giving it another go but I am hesitant to say that we are “back” together. The word back implies that you are returning to the same place you left off. It is different this time, almost like a completely different relationship plus, you take into effect that we never really had a “break”, so I think the best way to describe it would be our relationship has taken a change in a better direction. Who knows what may happen or what will develop but I can make these promises to myself. I will make sure to watch and be aware of flags, whether they pop up as red, yellow or green. To always be honest, with him and myself, to make sure the lines of communication are open and flowing between us. Keep myself grounded enough to remember that I am not the only one in this relationship, that it will take two of us to make this work and if in the end, we both tried our hardest, than that is all that matters. I am ready to jump in and swim with my new clearer swim goggles, knowing that I cannot predict where point B ends but maybe it’s the journey of getting there, at a nice healthy pace, that counts.