KK Lange - My Life In Between

Balancing life somewhere between my head and my heart...

Casual Mentions Before Year End

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Have you ever written a blog post only to log onto your website to find out they were only in your head and never actually made it to the page? Um, yeah… that’s me. I have “published” three blog posts in the past few months in case you were wondering. We will just move forward, ignoring that blatant four-month gap.

I don’t want to do an end of the year recap, because frankly, this year isn’t over and I am still working on my goals. 2018 isn’t the start of a bright and shiny new year; I will be moving on through, still chugging along from the month before. So I thought I would touch up on a few of the recent written subjects.

50 in 5: well that didn’t turn out the way I thought it would. [crickets chirping]

I have been working out with my WONDERFUL butt kicker of a trainer, Linzee, for nine months. I went into this weight loss round, totally thinking I could just do the same thing, the same old way I have been since my 20’s. Just work out for a little bit, via DVD, drop the pounds within the month and be back to normal. Nooooo way…. apparently when you turn 35, things change. Well things changed at 25… and at 30…. and now 35. Long gone were the days of just a few minimal changes to drop 10 pounds. And here to stay are the long-term, hard-working, less drinking, more focused, less vegging, everything sticks with you, days.

It probably wasn’t until last month, I finally realized I need to focus on THIS body (not my visions of years past) and stopped feeling like such a failure. It’s a process, not just a journey. You have to build muscle before being able to shed layers of fat.  Looking back, I am stunned that at the beginning of this “project” I could barely hold a plank or do the dreaded walking lunge across the basketball court. But now my body is able to do…way WAY more! I may not know all the terminology when it comes to the fitness moves that Linzee uses, but I get the gestures. At 6:30 AM, it’s like trying to play Simon Says, and hoping that my body can coordinate what exercises she has in store, but I love it! I am encouraged every day to do better and work harder.

After the first six months with a personal trainer, I decided I wanted to buckle down on the nutrition and food. While I had increased my training sessions from two days a week to three, along with some random classes at the gym on the side, it wasn’t enough. I am a healthy eater, there is no doubt about it. But when it came to my stress level at work, that is a whole different subject. It was a matter of looking at the bigger picture, like what I ate throughout the day. I’m not one for fatty foods and high carbs; I enjoy fresh or blanched green vegetables, not dipped in Ranch dressing or fried in fat. To lose weight, I couldn’t go the easy route of cutting the soda or bread eating, as I already wasn’t eating that. For me, my weakness was stress = sugar. It didn’t matter what form it came in, I would take it. Pop-tarts, wine, cake, ice cream, wine, candy bars, did I say wine? All of the above. It wouldn’t necessarily be a daily thing, but more than a few times a week, which was one time too many.

I know that I am different, actually, scratch that! No one is alike. No body, no food pyramid, no metabolism, no digestive track… the list goes on and on. Each of our bodies process stuff differently and it has taken time for me to acknowledge it. Something that works for one person, may not work for another. I can’t bounce back like I could 10 years ago. My system can’t process eggs, dairy, or gluten, and struggles with animal protein (yeah, that was a fun roller coaster of a time of finding out).

So what do you do when you are finding out that your “food diary/ meal tracker” is great except for the slip-ups that happen more frequently than not? You add in other forms of exercise and solutions to being held to the promise you made to yourself. Besides the three days a week with Linzee, I have added on Yoga, Ballet Sculpt, and Tai Chi over the weekends. This is to help keep my stress level low and prepare my mind for when I go off my meds. I have a weekly weigh in and (the cringe worthy front, side, and back) photos, which holds me accountable along with seeing the physical side affects to what I am (or am not) doing.  I can see the difference in my body after consuming high sodium food or wine for a day, versus clean eating and drinking only water. I’m proud of myself for admitting I needed help and grateful for Linzee to step up and take me on as a client.  She has guided me from an embarrassed, self-conscious, flabby ass – to a proud, happy, and goal driven woman.

If you are interested in being whipped into shape, she’s available in Colorado and online! Check out her Instagram or Twitter for her latest photos, trends, and more information!

Surgery:  It went well and I am fully recovered.  I have a happy and healthy-ish uterus that is just itching for an embryo. Until then, I will keep focused on my mind and body. I need to keep my alcohol intake at basically none… and meditate more. Thanks to the classes at Cherry Creek Athletic Club, I am slowly learning yoga and tai chi or can hit up the treadmill for a quick burn or go for a swim to chill out.

I forgot: I failed to mention I got married… like 6 months ago. Completely eliminated the fear of fitting into a dress or planning the right party for hundreds of people. It was just me, my husband, and a signed legal document. Perfect.

And last but not least, because it is the holiday season, I thought I’d share our postcard this year  I’m pretty proud of being able to create it during my first go round with Adobe Photoshop and in 45 minutes! Major kudos to Lisa Glanz and her portrait creator for making the hardest part easy.

 

 

Half Way Point

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I have managed to make it just over two months. I have survived 20 sessions with my trainer, and just signed up for even more! I am happy that I chose to get a personal trainer. Yes, it is expensive and I truly can’t afford it, but I am making it work. As I have said before, this is an investment, one with myself that I can’t afford not to.

I won’t lie, it has been a frustrating ride. The first workout session was gruesome. Ugh, I didn’t realize how bad I let my muscles deteriorate. In the end, I was left feeling like a limp noodle, stuck at the bottom of the pot… and surprisingly I got the “high”. You know, the kind they talk about with runners. And unfortunately, it didn’t last long. Apparently, you only get one, or at least that is what I got. The following Thursday session… Nothing. Nada tostada! Just felt exhausted and run down.

I also realized that my asthma was worse than I thought. Even though my mom and brother have been dealing with it for decades, I wasn’t diagnosed with asthma until a few years ago. After my first two sessions with the trainer, I had to do something about the lack of breathing and went to see my doctor. I was having such a hard time breathing and even a day later, felt like someone had taken a scrub brush and shoved it down my throat; inflammation central! We are currently on the third trial of a new every day inhaler along with an asthma/allergy pill, Singulair. What we have done has helped, but I am still doing at least four puffs from my emergency inhaler during my hour-long session. By the way, if you are looking for an awesome Allergy, Asthma, and Immunologist – Dr. Fieman is fabulous!

As for the weight… I have only lost a few pounds here and there. That’s it! Disappointing to say the least. I had it in my head that when I changed my diet and introduced intense exercise, the pounds would just melt off. So much for the 50 in 5… but I still have time. I wish I would have taken my measurements before starting so I could see if there was a change there. There has been muscle growth as I can feel the difference when lifting weights, but I am not sure of how much. Based on old clothes that I can fit back into, I would say I have lost about 10 inches; 3.5 in the waist, 1.25 in each arm, and 2 in each thigh.

With the lack of weight loss, I am working on not drinking all together. While I was still incorporating those calories into my food tracker, I know it is hindering my weight loss. So… bye bye glass of wine after work… hello tea! My therapist and I figured out that I have been using alcohol to relax and come down from the stress of the work day. Even when I have taken time out to meditate in the middle of the day, it wasn’t enough. I stopped buying wine for the house, but would still find myself stopping by the bar on the way home for a drink to chill out for a bit. It is also a good habit for when I (hopefully) become pregnant. While the tea helps as something to sip on, I have found that listening to my current my audio book and laying down in bed with the lights off works better.

To wrap this up, I thought I would share some of the things that I have learned since starting this whole 50 in 5 thing.

  • Fitness Trainers are awesome! Without a trainer, I wouldn’t have the willpower to push myself to the point of muscle exhaustion. I would have quit 2/3 of the way through; each day and each time
  • Don’t forget your sunglasses! It may be 5:30AM when you get to the gym, but when you leave, the sun is up and blinding you in the eyes
  • Best feeling in the world? Getting into the car, resting my hot sweaty body on the cool leather seats. Just a little sigh of relief after some hard work
  • An even better feeling? Walking into work, knowing I have already kicked some ass today, and it isn’t even 9:00AM
  • It is hard not to let my depression take a hold of me and stop me from going to my bi-weekly sessions
  • After 35, 30, or even 25 years of age, your body doesn’t respond/ function the same way it used to

    • ~Side note: thanks to the TimeHop App, I have noticed the pattern of doing this weight gain/weight loss every year around the same time. The only difference was I never was this heavy and always able to shed the 15-20 pounds and get back down to 130 pounds

I am ready to step up my game. No more “cheat” days that turn into cheat weeks. I need to stay with my strict meal plan and keep making every meal. Meal prep SUCKS but makes such a difference – when I sneak in the meals out or sugary treat(s), my body shows it and feels it.
Since I am able to breathe and my strength has increased, I know my body and mind can do more. So besides my two workout sessions with my trainer, I am adding on two classes over the weekend. I am thinking the Ballet Sculpt and yoga (not hot yoga, I would die). Maybe a Zumba class too? I will try a month of these changes – hope the changes will make a more dramatic difference which would help inspire me to keep going. I will write again in a month with an update – and measurements! Cheers.

50 in 5

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The challenge is on!

I am tired of hearing myself complain – the continuous yo-yo weight fluctuations – and am ready for a complete overhaul. Which is why I am doing 50 pounds in 5 months. Yes, you read correctly, that is 10 pounds a month. This is a completely different tactic than I have done before. Why you ask? It isn’t just because I am getting married this year (calm down, date is still TBD) but it is also to get my body in pre-baby shape. WHAT?! Sit back down, I have to get married first… geesh.

I have managed to slowly pack on the pounds over the past two years but I have reached a tipping point. Literally… the scales have tipped and I have snapped.

So what is the plan? Well, up until last week, the original plan was:

Diet: cutting out all the good stuff…

  • No dairy
  • No wine
  • No gluten
  • No meat
  • No carbs
  • No sugar

I know it sounds so awesome, no need to get jealous. Almost as exciting as watching paint dry, but in this case, I might be craving to lick the walls hoping for something better than my diet. I crave food and when the stress level goes up, so does the intake of fatty and sugary foods… and wine. Lots of wine. Then the medications help keep the weight on, and add in the last remaining factor of being almost 35 years old (and lacking a metabolism), it is an all around great combination!

Exercise: 5 days a week (minimum) at the athletic club. No, it is not the gym, it is a club. Cherry Creek Athletic Club to be exact. If I call it a gym, I am already fearing going. The one stage of social anxiety I haven’t been able to break. So yes, to the club I go. First the treadmill and swimming. Then I will take on more, like maybe a class or two and weights.

New Plan: Get a personal trainer.

Yeah – I did that! I found a great offer at the Club and took the opportunity. So far, we have sat down and created a diet plan, which since I eat pretty good most of the time, is very strict. I purchased a food scale, a standard list of groceries and meal prepping both lunch and dinner, which will help with my instructions of carb alternating throughout the week. Still no drinking but I am allowing lean proteins, such as chicken or fish. We are also using the “MyZone” device to monitor effort/heart rate and tracking all food in “My Fitness Pal” app.

This project isn’t just about making the numbers on the scale go down, it is the many health benefits that go along with it. By exercising, I will be able to lower my medication doses due to the increase in serotonin levels. With my mental meds lowered, it will prepare my body for a safer pregnancy. It won’t be a quick fix or a permanent replacement from using any medication but it would be nice to make my morning handful of pills and supplements a little smaller.

This is going to hurt. There will be tears. It is going to be a struggle. I will rise, I will fall, and I am prepared to plateau. And when I do hit a stopping point and can’t seem to move further, whether with the weight loss or motivation, that is where the personal trainer comes in. While I can’t financially afford it, my health and mental well-being are worth more. My future children are worth it.

I am worth the investment.

I’m too afraid and ashamed to post pictures of the current state of my body. I did however manage to summon up the courage to actually take a few before photos (the thought still makes me cringe). Maybe when I am half way there, I might periodically post weight, inches and more. But until then, all I ask is for a little help. A little encouragement. I have moved from my FitBit to an Apple Watch (since I can swim with it on, in addition to listening to my books) so if anyone wants to complete their circles with me, I would love to sync up! Same goes for the MYZONE!

I want to be healthy and happy and be in the best shape possible before Eric and I take on the journey of trying to become pregnant. With my age and medical conditions, I don’t have all the time in the world so I am making the most of what I have. Root me on! Because I really could use the encouragement.

Cheers! xx