Question:
I’ve been in a relationship with this girl for about 6 months. It’s her first “serious” relationship and my second. We’ve chatted a bit about the marriage thing, but haven’t solidified anything at this point. Right before the holiday she broke things off, stating that things were getting too serious. After the Thanksgiving, she contacted me and she wants to get back together and will wait for me to decide if I should take her back.
I’ve spoken with a friend who asked me if anyone came into her or my life recently. Her friend came in from out of town, but that’s all, He came back to visit, and she informed me that they’ve always been friends. Should I worry? Or do you think that she was just overwhelmed with the holiday coming up and the plans that were being made? I really am serious about this girl, and wonder if she would try this again.
Also do you think that I should tell her that I’ve proposed to someone before her? Or would that just be better left alone?
Answer:
Ok…a few things first. (This is a time when I wish the questions were live instead of submitted) You said that this is your second “serious relationship” so I am going to assume your first is the same girl that you proposed to? Now back to the girl… she could have broken it off for one reason but there are two possible outcomes. One she was scared about rushing things (you have been talking about marriage and you are one more “up” on her) and confided in her friend or she is scared about things with you and chose to sleep with her old “friend” when HE came into town. Should you worry, no.
Holiday’s are a stressful time for anyone. Add onto the fact that she has never been in a serious relationship, and the pressure starts to build. Talks of you and your family and her obligation to be there can get kind of scary. All I do ask of you is that you should talk with her. Ask her why she wants to get back together and what is going to be different this time. Ask her to communicate with you (yes being a male, I know this will be a stretch but I’m sure you could if you really love her). And for goodness sake, if you do decide to try it again, you NEED to ask her if she slept with anyone else while you were apart. This is not implying that she slept with her friend; this is simply you looking out for yourself and keeping safe. I stress that if she did, make sure you both get an STI test because of recent change in partners (you can go to a clinic where most of the time they are free).
Last but not least, the previous proposal… I have to say I find it odd that this hasn’t come up before in conversation, especially with you two already talking marriage. If you haven’t talked about the past or previous relationships (we all have some baggage); it should come up at some point, hopefully prior to the presenting of the ring.
Looks like you guys have some discussions ahead of you. Wait for the marriage thing by starting off slow and get to know one another again, not via the bedroom but taking time out of your day to talk and learn some things about each other. Feel free to put everything out on the table because, in the end, what is the worst that can happen? You might learn sometime new that helps make the decision that could change your life.
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