Almost every time that I talk with one of male friends, one of the first questions that I ask him is “Dating, seeing or sleeping with anyone new?” The truth is, for a single person in my age group, you are usually doing one of the three things or none of the above. As scary as it might seem to hear this to those that are older and married, this is reality. If you are not a virgin or in a committed relationship, you find yourself hopping from bed to bed, in the hopes of finding a partner that interests you in some way (depending on what exactly you would like stimulated). Your friends that are in a relationship don’t understand why you don’t just settle down with someone and your single friends that are choosing not to bounce from bed to bed, don’t understand what the purpose is. Is this really the only “in-between” option for us? What if you don’t have time for a relationship but don’t want to have casual sex?… I believe they would call that a friendship
Definitions (per me)
Sleeping – exactly what it sounds like. It is a purely sexual relationship and nothing more. Also know as a “friend with benefits”
Seeing – you have meet with this person a few times, and haven’t decided what direction it is going to go from here. It can turn into a sleeping or dating relationship from this point. You might have had a make-out session or two, but the relationship is just only starting to bud
Dating – you enjoy this persons company along with finding them sexually attractive. You have been seeing them for a while now and probably because you respect this person, you have chosen not to “seal the deal” just yet because you are curious to see where it goes and have found your once empty time is now filled with this person.
Now that we have established that, is it possible to go from a lust relationship to a real relationship filled with love and respect? Let’s say you have known a person for a while and started a physical relationship, is it possible to move into a rounded healthy relationship? If you built the relationship on something other than sex in itself like friendship, then yes, it has potential. But if what you have built it on is purely sexual attraction then the possibilities are slim. I am not saying the relationship isn’t capable of growing, but let’s just be honest. It doesn’t have the best track record.
In the end, it doesn’t matter what type of relationship that you are in, as long as YOU are happy. If you have taken a step back and noticed that you are not, then it is time to look inside yourself. It may sound cheesy, but how can you love someone else, if you can’t love yourself? I bet you, that if you start focusing on yourself things will just happen. Whether you are doing things that you enjoy and redirecting your energy internally or as basic as working on that project at work, it will all change the situation. That is why they usually say that love happens when you least expect it.
So whatever your current relationship position, I wish you the best!
Authors note: If you feel you need help or guidance, don’t be afraid to contact me. I will also start a forum on this topic so don’t be afraid to post, it can be completely anonymous.