Question:
So I’ve met this really cool guy and we seem to be hitting it off, we spent a lot of time together recently. I’ve recently found out that he has a 4 month old son, who he is trying to get custody of. I think that’s great! Stepping up and taking responsibility, kuddos to him. My issue is I’m not getting any younger, and I’m not sure if I want to be with a guy, who has a kid. It’s not a bad thing, but I’m worried about my future, my future with him and my future with the kid. Is this something that I should be worried about?
Answer:
I don’t think worried is the right word. What you need to do, is figure out if having a child that is not yours, in your life, is an issue? If you are unsure, my gut says go for it, give it a try. The infant is young enough that he won’t get attached at this time. Even after a year of dating, the baby won’t be filled with the heart ache and loss that a walking and talking child will… but keep in mind that you might. We as adults entering into relationships that not only involve a partner, but a little one when they you not only mourn the loss of your partner, but also the child. Another question for you – are you going to be ok with being second in line, because his baby is going to be his number one priority? The only reason I would be against this relationship is that his priority right now is going to be his child. Whether it is going to court to get custody of him or spending bonding time alone, his son is going to be number one which means this might not be the right time. He is going to have to figure out what HE wants right now. If you start dating now, time will only tell. He might feel pulled in different directions between his child and you, and with this game of tug-of-war, he’s going to let go of one side, and you will just have to be prepared… because it will probably be you.