Dating in the new age. I get asked many a time “how do you meet people?” And the truth is, most people meet their spouse in high school, college, or at work. So when you get into your thirties you have learned to steer clear of “$#*% where you work” but where do find the guy now? You can join a group or organization to find someone with the same interest. Or you can ask your coupled friends to set you up, that is, if they have any single friends besides you.
In my twenties I would hear the question, “When are you going to get married?” And my humorous response was always, “well I keep waiting for the husband store to open but no such luck”. But now they have and it is called online dating. Those words used to make me cringe… online dating. When it first came out, it was perceived as a way for losers that couldn’t find a real date in person to find that “special someone”. But now it has become the norm for our society. You can go online, flip through some photos and actually pick out a mate, just like the store I always dreamed of! Especially on the free sites. I have found these free websites to be based more on looks than the background and the inside of who the person really is. A perfect example of this is, is an article written by a very funny woman ALLI REED. She wrote an article on “4 Things I Learned from the Worst online Dating Profile Ever”. She created the worst profile ever – the woman was racist, stuck up, living off “daddies money” and just down right awful – but she was pretty. Definitely make sure to read both pages (as there are lots of ads that you may not know there are two). I promise, you will be stunned by the results…
I’ve been using one of the major dating sites, OkCupid, on and off for about five years now. While it has its perks, being a woman on a dating site means immersing yourself in a disgusting cesspool of exposed nerves, unfiltered testosterone, and daily propositions to engage in sex acts so horrifying, I hadn’t even heard of them before, and I’m from the Internet.
I got the feeling that a lot of men on that site would message literally any woman who had a profile, but the optimist in me wanted to believe that there was a limit. Maybe there was a woman so awful, so toxic, so irredeemably unlikable that no one would message her, or if they did, at least they would realize they never, ever wanted to meet her. So I made the OkCupid profile of the Worst Woman on Earth, hoping to prove that there exists an online dating profile so loathsome that no man would message it.
I did not accomplish my goal.
Read more: “CLICK HERE”
I am currently on two dating sites, Match and eHarmony, and paid for a subscription thinking that others who are willing to pay would be looking for a serious relationship too. Because eHarmony doesn’t feel like it isn’t all about looks, I have been using it more often than Match. I don’t get emails asking me for sex and I have control of who I want to talk to. But don’t get me wrong, there are men that email me that I wouldn’t fathom of dating as there is no future. Like the 55 year old man who contacted me. He was 5’6 and looked like a mix between Santa Claus and Danny DeVito. Sorry sir – I think I’ll have to pass.
It is OK to be selective – which can sound egotistical but why should I waste my time with a man who I don’t initially find attractive, their profile shows no signs of a personality or it says they “might want kids”, when I want children no matter what. It is a hard world out there, trying to find someone to be your mate for life. For those that are coupled or married, be thankful for those that are in your life. Make sure to tell them how much you care and want them. Don’t forget why you are together and how you got there in the first place.
There are other things I have discovered about online dating. And that is – every man is different (I know, shocking). One date introduced me to TWO different sets of friends, both birthday parties, on our second date but when I stepped away to get us coffee, I came back to him viewing his eHarmony account checking out other chicks. We clicked instantly but I learned that he was all about my looks, treating me as arm candy and about getting in my pants. Plus he lied on his profile saying he was 33 when he was actually 37. Or there have been a few men that use older pictures on their profile, not just a year or two, but like 5-7 years. So bad that I don’t even recognize them when I walk into the restaurant. My favorite was the guy who stated he was a non smoker – who within three dates went from a cigar smoker, to a social smoker, to a full-fledged smoker that wanted to quit. Why bother lying on paper (or the internet) when the truth will show its true colors eventually.
Another thing that has been revealed to me is the common behavior of dating multiple people at the same time. I remember as a teenager, my mom always told me that I should do the same but I never did. I always had this vision of having to write-up index cards with facts of each guy to keep things straight. Instead of using my mother’s wise words of advice, I would just find myself falling into relationships. I would get to know the guy for a few months, became friends, then was all of a sudden we were in a relationship. Not that it was bad or good, that is just how it developed for me – I’ve never done this whole dating thing before until now. Maybe it is easier for men to date multiple women. Just out of curiosity I did a little research and it seems that woman of all ages (even 55+) would prefer to only date one man at a time. The question is, at what point do you decide to hang your hat in one woman’s/man’s home? This new experience of online dating has opened my eyes to reality, awareness, and more red flags that I can comprehend – the red flags have changed too, especially as I have gotten older and so have my dates ages.
One last thing that I have unearthed is that it is OK to take things slow. That it will take more than a few dates before you should get into a relationship. I mean, how do you really get to know a person after meeting them a few times? I am not going to rush and try to jump into a relationship but I am not going to exhaust my time with men that I don’t see a future with. So what does that mean for me? It means that I am ready for love. I am a catch with my own quirks but deep down I am sure there is someone out there to see past the crap, take the “man’s role” by grabbing hold and not let me drive the relationship, treat me like the lady that I am but respect the individual that I have always been. I’d rather stay single than settle for the wrong guy. As long as I stay true to myself – I am sure I can find “the one”. My equal, my love, and the one man who is willing to work as hard as I am for a strong marriage.