Really? We have to ask this question? Come on ladies, it is 2010! Get with the program…geesh…
So I was sitting at the bar at Purple Martini with a friend, and happen to over hear some girls talking about how trashy a girl is for sleeping with a man on the first date but the third date is ok (because it is part of the “rules”). My first reaction is…. who the heck cares?! As long as you are happy, why should you feel the need to follow the rules or suggestions laid out by some stranger? Everyone is different and just because you (and your relationship) didn’t follow the “normal” path, doesn’t mean that you are doomed for life.
I think when it comes down to it all you need to understand is the consequences about having sex; whether you choose to have it on the first date or third year into the relationship after marriage! We all know that having sex later in the relationship is better. You have had more of a chance to create a bond with trust and honesty in the relationship between the two people. So, when did the “third date” rule come into play? Seriously! Third date! I don’t think I knew anyone that well after three times of getting together. Heck, I’ve been out on three dates and still never kissed the guy. I don’t know about you, but I can date a person for years and still continue to learn things about them.
Another factor is age and where you are in life. If you are under the age of 18 and haven’t graduated high school yet, you are less likely to hop into the sack like a 40 year old divorcee might.
Before I start, I understand there is every “exception” to the rule. That yes, sometimes things work out differently, but for the most part
The Scene: If you are bedroom bound after the first night or few interactions (4-5 dates), don’t expect to get much further than that. Why would anyone need to continually take you out to talk and “get to know you” because by doing the mattress mambo so soon, you have just said to your partner that you don’t care to get to know them. No respect for either one of you, that it is just lust at first sight and “get’n some”
Consequences to Expect: Nothing really pretty. STD/STI, lack of orgasm, no steady contact with the possibility of no future contact, no emotional involvement and the list can continue on and on, but do I really need to continue? Most of it is because there has been no conversation between the two people, explaining what each other likes, if they are sleeping with anyone else… you get the gist. It isn’t really warm and inviting, but sometimes those things sound good to people, right? Maybe it might be what you need at the time.
The Scene: Within the first 3 months, you’ve gone out on hopefully 12+ dates and have started to feel comfortable around each other. You have learned what you like in the person and that even though seeing some faults, you can look past those to get to know that person even better. You might have met a friend or two of theirs along the way but for the most part you are still living individual lives.
Consequences: still has similar consequences to the first one but it is possible to start having the pro’s and con’s weighing about the same. You may have communicated with each other about having safe sex and started mentioning the things that you like in bed. You might have also started to have satisfying sex due to the communication and bond that has formed between you and your partner, thus resulting in fun sex, orgasms or more than one night a week in the hay.
I kind of feel there is no point to continue after that as I have found that most people either break up after that mark or if they continue on in their relationship, they are working on it constantly meaning communication between each other. Whether you decide to give it up to the first guy or wait for a lifetime, make sure you do what is right for you. Not anyone else. It doesn’t matter what the rules are or what your friends do, trust your gut and your heart. Listen to what you really believe in and go with it! Just make sure to be safe along the way! (No, seriously, condoms are cheap, use one!)
I leave you with this. I found this on a random website and kind of liked it. In response to “how long should I wait”
“For as long as it takes. We’re not asking you to abstain until you’re 65-1/2, but an acquaintance is not a friend. If you hardly know each other and don’t have the scorecards on each other’s quirks, then skip the bedroom for now and go out and play out in the field. The saying about giving up your virginity to the one you love is outdated advice and is sure to provoke “are you crazy?” comments, but don’t go the other extreme either by giving your virginity to someone you just met a few hours ago. Don’t be cheap with yourself! You’re worth a lot more than a couple of beers and a drizzle of flattering remarks. When a guy overdoses on compliments and says the right things to bait you, play smart and don’t bite. Get to know him, warts and all…before tearing down the barriers.
Whether you’re a teenager or a young adult, play the waiting game. Patience has its virtues…and its rewards. You can date all you want – it’s a real smorgasbord out there, but you can’t have sex with each one you date.”